There are headlines across the nation almost every day about violence.  That, of course, is nothing new.  Yet it is disturbing to be constantly assaulted by bad news, and to hear statistics tell us that crime is up, gun violence is up, and polarization has increased, while hate crimes of all sorts become more and more common. 

The reasons for this are many, of course, and the price we are collectively paying is high, to say nothing of individually.  One result is an increased level of stress and anxiety generally, and lost lives in particular. 

There is no one easy solution.  Many issues have to be addressed.  Many long-standing problems need to be dealt with.  And exactly how to go about this is a source of constant disagreement.  But each of us can still play a part in ratcheting down the rhetoric and turning the tide toward safer, healthier communities – and as President George H.W. Bush once said, “a kinder, gentler nation.”  

At the Institute, one of the things we teach is when you disagree with someone, it becomes all too easy to dislike them.  If you dislike them, it is not too hard to demean them.  If you demean them, it is a short step to villainizing them.  And if you villainize them, it can lead to victimizing them.  It is a slippery slope down which any of us can fall.  That is why holding a high standard of civility, even in the midst of disagreement, is so essential.  (This principle is used in much of the Institute’s Civility Training.  A version of this was used as our Quote of the Month in May 2016, crediting Cassandra Dahnke and Tomás Spath.) 

And indeed it is true. It is so easy to find examples, not only in history and the news, but in our own lives, when someone (perhaps ourselves) has started down this treacherous path.  Thankfully, most of us don’t fall too far down that slippery slope.  That said, it takes practice, humility, and a strong commitment toward a respect for others – even in the midst of extreme disagreement – to separate a person’s biases, beliefs, behaviors and practices that we don’t agree with from their value as a human being.  As President Barack Obama said, “Civility requires…relearning how to disagree without being disagreeable.” 

Next time you disagree with someone and you start disliking and/or demeaning them because of it, think again.  There’s a lot at stake.  Creating a little less animosity and a little more tolerance is worth the effort. 

 

During the pandemic many of us have spent a little time binge watching either our favorite programs from years past or perhaps series that we missed out on when we were busier.  I’ve done a little binge watching myself.

One of the first series I indulged in was The West Wing, a well-known show that ran from 1999 to 2006.  I had seen most of it when it originally ran but had not watched it since.  I was struck, coming back almost twenty years later, at how so many of the issues the characters struggled to solve on the show back then are still with us today, including immigration, gun violence, education, and of course foreign policy struggles. 

But the real beauty of the show was how it humanized the people of the West Wing and gave us a peek into what their lives might be like.  None of the characters got it right all the time, but they were portrayed as hard working, dedicated public servants who really wanted to move the country forward.

Not only is this an award-winning series that still captures our attention and seems as timely as ever, but it is one that, anecdotally speaking, has devoted fans on both sides of the political aisle.  I have never met anyone, Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Independent or otherwise who was watched this show and not liked it – a lot! 

What fascinates me is that the same can be said of House of Cards, a series that ran from 2013-2018.  This is a series that I had heard a lot about but hadn’t had a chance to watch.  House of Cards is also a look behind the scenes of political power in Washington, DC, but it has a very different take.  Instead of portraying characters who truly have the public interest at heart, the only thing these characters care about is power for power’s sake, and they will do seemingly anything to get it, hold it, and wield it.  (The only exception to this being a few reporters who try to uncover what is really happening.)  It is a much darker view of the political landscape, to say the least. 

The two series could not be more different, and yet they have both endured in their popularity among all kinds of people.  Many of the same people who love one series love the other as well. 

Which, because I believe so strongly that civility is a value essential to both government and communities, brings me to a somewhat disturbing question.  There have long been debates (and no doubt will continue to be) about whether what comes out of Hollywood reflects society or influences it; leads it or follows it.  It seems to me it does both, but it may be particularly helpful to consider the dynamic unfolding in the United States with these two series as our backdrop.

What kind of government/country do we want?  The West Wing version or House of Cards?  Were/are these two shows a reflection of us, or a projection of who are becoming?  Perhaps we should be paying attention to how much the depiction of White House politics changed over the course of a few short years. 

I don’t have a lot of answers here, but we all need to think deeper about who we are and where we are headed than the next election cycle, as important as it might be.  We need to build core social values that allow us a common identity even in the midst of our differences.  And civility needs to be one of them.