Letter to the Editor re: “Civility Is a Fantasy”
See NY Times article for reference: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/24/opinion/civility-fantasy-power-kirk.html?unlocked_article_code=1.oU8.rlob.TKn5jZsU_w8M&smid=url-share
To the Editor:
If civility is understood as merely a prescribed set of manners designed to make sure that
nothing unpleasant is said or heard, that no disagreements exist, that life is all honey and
roses, then it is indeed a fantasy, a type of script where everyone must know their place and
what they can and cannot say or do…..and of absolutely no help in the turbulent times in
which we live.
This, however, is not the kind of civility that the Institute for Civility believes in, teaches, and
tries to foster in our communities and across our nation.
Our definition of civility is “claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without
degrading someone else’s in the process. It is hard work, and requires practice, care, and
commitment.
We are not under the illusion that everyone wants civility as a cultural norm within our
country, but without it we are doomed. If we can’t stay present with one another in the
midst of fierce disagreement, and if we can’t learn to listen and understand one another’s
perspectives even when we are at odds, then we cannot move forward together. We cannot
make progress on the challenges that are before us.
The nonviolent protests of the Civil Rights movement were the epitome of civility. That they
were met with incredible cruelty does not negate their effectiveness. Progress was made.
And it can be made again. Same issues. Different issues. New issues.
Unless this country embraces the freedoms of the constitution AND disagreement AND
authentic civility, we will never be the country our forebearers hoped we would be. Civility is
the very thread that holds together the fabric of the nation. Is it unraveling? Yes. Are we too
late to try again? Never!
